Lost in the memory
by Little-Firestar84
Summary: post the trouble with the troubles- William wasn't right, but he used to. Because now she was changed- she was different from the day they first parted. And not because she didn't have those memories any longer.


She doesn't know what happened. Doesn't know it- and mostly, she can't understand it. She is somewhere- a place that is filled with light and darkness, filled and yet empty at the same time. She has always been there, she is living an eternity, wherever she is, and yet, it's like no time passed at all. She is no one, and yet, it's like she is everyone- Lexie, Audrey, Lucy, Sarah and many, many others. Memories from past lives overwhelms her, and it's like getting crazy, and strangely calm too.

She knows it's because of this place. She knows she is there-wherever it is- not with her body but with her mind, her spirit, or whatever.

She knows that, despite being physically alone, there is someone else there too. She feels it with her heart, with all the calmness and warmth engulfing her.

And instead of calming her down, it makes her freak out. She'd like to scream and cry, but she can't. Her voice is a far away memory. It's like being in a nightmare - and who knows, maybe that's where she is- she is trying to cry, to scream, but as much as she opens her mouth, as hard as she tries, screaming always eludes her.

(She is voiceless, like she has been so many times in her lives.)

She walks in the light and in the darkness. Tries to find a way out, but there is no escape. She is panicking, on her knees, and then, she sees them, all around her, like ethereal apparitions, creatures from the great beyond. Only, she knows it's not the case. She sees the past- or maybe it's the present- and she is there, with Duke and Nathan and William, and he says that they are connected. He says she is his, that they belong to each other, and then… then, she hear a gunshot, and she feels the pain- excruciating- and her hands and her eyes fall on her abdomen. Her shirt is soaked with blood, but then, she clenches her teeth, and wills it to go away- that's not the reality, after all- and next time she looks down, the wound is gone. Just like the pain.

(Phantom pain, is this what it feels like?)

"You aren't really here." She hears a voice, and she turns, standing still as she faces a woman – a Native American, maybe? It's hard to say with so much light – and then there is people all around her. And suddenly Audrey is on her knees, the people in circle surrounding her. She can't breathe any longer, she tries to scream again and again and again, but she can't. The breath dies in her throat, the tears burn her eyes. She is scared, like she has never been before in her whole life.

Until someone touches her- and when she lifts her eyes, Audrey realizes it was probably the first woman she saw. It's reassuring and calming, and the stranger smiles of a kind, sad smile, cupping Audrey's face. The other stay distant, on guard, they simply nod, and when she looks at him, Audrey thinks about Ancients and Elders, Rulers and Guardians. She feels they are those things, so many more. More than she could understand, maybe.

And then, the pain is back- just that, only pain, no blood, no wound, and she tries to scream, and clenches her eyes, but it's useless. It's too much, and she wants to die, fade away until the next time. If there will be a next time- there are new rules, after all, and new factors. The game has suddenly changed on all of them.

The woman shakes her head, no, and tenderly touches Audrey's abdomen, and there is warmth and peace and all things beautiful, and then fire, and after it, everything is gone. The pain is gone, banished with a touch by her body, and the woman keeps smiling. And Audrey has no idea who she can be, but she knows she has already seen her before. It's just a sensation, or maybe it's a memory belonging to one of her other past selves. There is so much, too much, and it's easy and it's hard. She knows everything, and she knows nothing.

"Don't listen to him" the woman says, still cupping her face, tenderly caressing Audrey's face. "He may have been right centuries ago, but now it's different. You are different, my dear. You changed so much after they came to us…"

Audrey would like to talk to her, ask her what is going on, who they are, who went to them, but she can't. her voice still eludes her. And maybe it's not just a case. Maybe there are things she can't know yet. Maybe ever.

And then, the pain is back, and she feels like her chest, her heart, are exploding. The light is gone, the woman and her people as well, and she is all alone in the darkness, with just her pain and so many memories she doesn't understand what's right and what's left.

And then… nothing.

If not the feeling that the woman could be right. William is not right any longer. But a long time ago, he used to.

And now she wants to know the truth. One way or another.


End file.
